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Fundraiser Email: Make Every Sentence Count

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Fundraiser Email: Make Every Sentence Count

Vary sentence patterns to clarify ideas and control emphasis.

Read for Rhythm

Read Saira’s email to Nolan. Some sentences are effective; others need revision. Answer each question for the purpose stated.

Subject: Tote-Bag Fundraiser—A Plan to Review

1Hi Nolan, I drafted our plan for the tote-bag fundraiser. We will sell plain canvas bags decorated with our original designs. We will use the money for more seating in the student common room. We will take orders before buying supplies. We will show the plan to the student council on Thursday. I have the main facts, but this opening sounds more like a checklist than an email.

2During lunch yesterday, I asked several students about the designs. Some wanted bold shapes, while others preferred small patterns near the handles. Because our decorating time is limited, I suggest offering just two designs. Buyers could choose either design on the order form. That would give people a choice without leaving our volunteers with too many different instructions to follow.

3I also checked the supply list with the activities adviser. The list included canvas bags, fabric markers, and cardboard inserts to keep ink from reaching the other side. The markers were unavailable. The supplier’s website offered no date for a new shipment. I had already pictured a table covered with finished bags, so that message was discouraging.

4Fortunately, the art teacher has unopened fabric markers that our group may borrow. If the test design stays clear after washing, we can use those markers for the fundraiser. Before we announce the sale, however, we need to test one bag. We should record how long the decorating takes, too. A design that looks simple on paper might take longer to finish on fabric.

5Could you bring a sample design to our meeting? Please bring the order-form draft as well. After we compare the samples and review the test results, we can divide the jobs. I will contact the volunteers. You can organize the orders. With a small plan that we can actually manage, I think we can make this work. Thanks, Saira

1.
In paragraph 3, what is the main effect of placing a very short sentence between longer sentences?
Question 1 options
2.
Underline the sentence from paragraph 3 whose short structure creates the sudden pause described in question 1.

3.
Which revision combines these sentences from paragraph 1 while preserving the purpose of the sale? “We will sell plain canvas bags decorated with our original designs. We will use the money for more seating in the student common room.”
Question 3 options
4.
Which revision of “We will show the plan to the student council on Thursday” varies the repeated “We will” opening by putting the time first, without changing the meaning?
Question 4 options

Choose Purposeful Patterns

Choose revisions that achieve the stated purpose. A different pattern is useful only if it keeps the intended meaning clear.

5.
Saira wants to emphasize the result rather than begin with the reason. Which revision of “Because our decorating time is limited, I suggest offering just two designs” does this without changing its meaning?
Question 5 options
6.
Revise these draft sentences to show a contrast without changing either group’s preference: “Some students wanted bold shapes. Other students preferred small patterns near the handles.”
Question 6 options
7.
A reviewer combines two sentences from paragraph 4: “The test design stays clear after washing, so we can use those markers for the fundraiser.” What problem does this revision create?
Question 7 options
8.
Combine these requests into one clear question without repeating the request structure: “Could you bring a sample design to our meeting? Please bring the order-form draft as well.”
Question 8 options
9.
Paragraph 1 repeats “We will” at the beginning of four sentences. Explain how that repetition affects this friendly planning email. Describe one change that would improve the style without removing a fact.

Shape the Whole Message

Consider how sentence patterns work together, then revise a short excerpt.

10.
Sort these possible email sentences by their opening pattern. Notice how each pattern directs attention.
11.
Saira wants to show the two students’ separate responsibilities in one balanced sentence. Which revision best replaces “I will contact the volunteers. You can organize the orders”?
Question 11 options
12.
Which advice would best improve sentence variety across the email while protecting its meaning?
Question 12 options
13.
Revise this new excerpt from Nolan’s reply into exactly two sentences: “We will test a bag on Tuesday. We will check the design after washing. We will announce the sale only if the design stays clear.” Keep every fact, use two different sentence beginnings, and make the condition for announcing the sale clear.